It’s hard to preach about sex. It’s like having The Talk with the whole church at one time. It means speaking to people who haven’t yet had The Talk, to those who just had The Talk, those who are meaning to having The Talk soon, those who gave us The Talk, and those who don’t remember ever receiving or giving The Talk.
Awkward.
Sex is this odd thing. We all have very specific ideas about it; but we are pretty uncomfortable talking about those ideas, hearing other people’s ideas, or having our ideas questioned.
Some people say “The church needs to talk about sex because that’s what they are talking about out in the world.” That’s true. But we have better reasons. The church needs to talk about sex because the Bible talks about sex. The church needs to talk about sex because Jesus cares about sex (Mt. 5:32; Mt. 15:19; Mk. 7:21). The church needs to talk about sex because the entire identity of the church as the bride of Christ is rooted in a theology of oneness and intimacy (Eph. 5:32, 1 Cor. 6:16-17).
Why is this so hard?
- Sex is a public conversation that allows for private opinion. Sex saturates our movies, shows, podcasts, music, art, comedy, fashion, and conversation. Even more, it is the only thing that is fully responsible for our existence on earth. So, there is no avoiding it. Yet it remains quite private. People get to decide how they think about sex, how they participate in it, and how they think others should do so. That’s where it gets interesting.
- The church has often spoken out against harmful forms of sex, but has been silent on the goodness of sex. I once heard a famous preacher boast that he had never seen his friend (another renowned leader) show affection to his wife. That’s a weird humblebrag about another man’s weird humblebrag. Clearly Christians know how babies are made, but we are uncomfortable admitting it in public. This means that almost all teaching and preaching on sex inevitably spends more time reinforcing shame than it does supporting a loving union.
- The Bible is not as clear as we would like about marriage. It’s one man and one woman (Mt. 19:5). But sometimes men had multiple wives. It’s for procreation, but some people could not bear children (Gen. 1:28; 16:1-2). It’s for all times, but sometimes seems situated in a particular culture (Mt. 22:24-28). And is marriage about joining two families together or is it about economics or maybe political alliances or friendship or companionship? Throughout the centuries we have seen all of these. The New Testament teaches that sex is reserved for marriage and that marriage is a union of a man and a woman (Gen 2:18, Mt 19:4-5; Eph. 5:21-32; Heb. 13:4). Yet that conclusion might not be immediately obvious to a first-time Bible reader on their initial journey from Genesis to Revelation.
This helps us understand why this is so hard. But how do we talk about sex in church? Here are some ideas:
- Be humble. We stand under Scripture, not over it. These are God’s words not ours. God is infallible. Our interpretation is not.
- Be clear. I’m not usually a manuscript preacher. When I preach on sex, I am. These words matter. Careless words about sexuality have caused too much collateral damage. And nobody needs more ambiguity here. Kind is clear. People do not need their entire faith to be an endless series of question marks.
- Witness, not war. The church’s role is to be witnesses of the gospel, not to be crusaders in a culture war. The church who has failed to preach a message of salvation, yet has triumphed in their political agenda has gained nothing and lost everything—including the Lost (Lk. 15). That church might be proud of their politics but ashamed of the gospel (Rom. 1:16).
- Extend grace and peace. Most people are aware of their sexual sins. They need a reminder of God’s grace and peace more than a traumatic recollection of their shame. The teaching portion of Romans begins with grace (1:5) and ends with peace (15:33). Our teaching should, too.
